Monday, August 27, 2012


our lives change throughout the year and recently ours changed in a pretty big way with the addition of our new child.  holding the new baby in my arms, kissing his soft forehead, and taking in the new baby scent that is and always will be uniquely his, I realized that yet again, I need to be a bigger man than I can be on my own.

"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received."

I struggle, sometimes, with making friends with other guys my age.  I do not try to justify it and i'm trying to do better.  Some of it is a trust issue stemming from past hurts.  All too often I hear / meet men who run from responsibility of any form whether that be in the form of employment, finances, health, or in this case, parenthood.  The latter really hits me the hardest and motivates the majority of my lack of respect.  Countless times a year we hear of guys getting a girl pregnant only to run simply because they didn't feel they were ready to be a parent.  Who cares about what happens to the children as long as we achieve our dreams, right?

It's like when you wade upstream.  The water is forced to change direction for you because you have decided you don't want to live up to what people need of you.

I'm not a subscriber of the lifestyle in which you fill your life with everything except being around for your children and spouse.  I don't believe in searching for "me time" because I believe that by giving all of  yourself, God will give you more.  Within reason of course.  We parents should still shower and take time to eat and sleep.  I do not agree, however, with leaving your children in childcare because you "need" to go drinking and partying.

I think the hard part with being available to your family is that it's often misconstrued as being isolationist.  I think it's viewed as a sign of weakness when you don't spend more time with other people than your own family.

If you find yourself taking a vacation to spend more time with your children / spouse, then I think something is wrong with how your time is being used.  A vacation is not a remedy to your parental guilt and should not be used as one.  In fact, I think everyone knows those vacations never really fixed the gap that over-busy parents leave in our lives.

Becoming a parent is not a personality accessory.  You don't get to say "no thank you."  You take your weekly guy-hangout plans and put them aside in favor for being there for your new family.  Poker can wait.  Jack Daniels can wait.  Monday night football can wait.

I do and I don't understand how a guy can claim to be a man when he can't take responsibility for what he creates.  


It's bigger than me.  It should be better than me.  It means I live outside of myself.  For people besides myself.  It means I give up things I kept for myself because I know in return I will receive far better than what I give.  It means stretching myself because I know all the my dreams and possessions will return to dust while the souls I live for go on for eternity.  

A free country lets me walk away from responsibility if it so much as makes me unhappy.  My "rights" as a US Citizen allow me to ditch my wife if I don't get my way and get another and another.  My forefathers died so I can have the freedom to do whatever I want and declare anyone who doesn't agree with me a "bigot."  My desires, my dreams, my ideas... they are all more important than anything and anyone who gets in my way is my enemy.  Mine.  Mine.  Mine.

Responsibility requires me to look at a situation and do the right thing, even if it means I may lose my "me time."  Even if it means I have to spend my valuable time with people I don't like or agree with.

It tells me that I need to be a bigger man.  And that a man gives everything for the sake of his family.  For his marriage.

I'm not perfect and in no way do I claim to be superior to other guys.  My inability to trust my peers doesn't stem from arrogance.  I feel that with each generation of men, we get weaker and more self-centered.  We claim our masculinity through a variety of excessively-large trucks, television sets, alcohol consumption limits, and such but in the end we grow farther and farther away from the men we are supposed to be... the men we need to be.  And yet, we continue to drift.  What happened to Promise Keepers?  Men of integrity?  What do you do with a generation of men who do not consider marriage a holy, sacred vow but instead an accessory?  Something to add to his social resume?

I didn't need the birth of a child to remind me of the calling I have received. But I do need the Bible to remind me how to live it out.

Sacrifice.  It's not just for Jesus.

That's the other half of responsibility.


  1. Great thoughts Randy. Thanks for sharing this challenge :-)

  2. Thanks son. This is very well said! I'm glad you're in the family!

  3. thanks! it's my privilege to be in the family.

    good food comes from good ingredients, after all.

  4. Good stuff as always. Good reminders to value the relationships God gives us over worldly fulfillment. Don't forget the value that good friendships can bring though (accountability, godly encouragement, wisdom, and lots more). You never know what God-given value might be hidden under that fault, or what God-given quality you may be meant to share with them. :-)